Swearing : What the @#%$ is that all about?

Have you noticed how more and more people swear blatantly in public as of late?  I must admit, I also fall into this category of uneducated bliss, especially when I’ve “stripped my thread” (sic) for someone or something.  So I have decided to make a conscientious effort to stop swearing whenever I can.  But how are you supposed to react and speak when the ‘frigging’ words want to come out on its ‘blooming’ own?

To answer that question we need to find out why we swear.

With the popularity of cable television today, we are exposed to swear words on a daily basis.  So much so, that some very blatant swear words, are not even registered as such anymore and becomes a part of our daily speech.  The Hollywood blockbuster ‘The Wolves of Wall street’ for example, recently set a new record by using the F-word 506 times during the 180 minute long movie.  Four-five-six!

People most often swear to emphasize a particular point or to stress their emotion.  It is also commonly used in social groups to break taboos of society, as well as create bonds by wordplay.

According to studies, swear words are not even stored as words, but as emotions.  Whereas normal language is stored in the Broca and Wernicke areas of the brain, swear words are stored in the limbic system that controls emotion and drive.

Let’s say you bump your toe on the wall or couch:  “For goodness sake!” might be a better thing to say, even though you were thinking “$%@&#*”.  There is of course nothing good about it. (Ouch!!)

Or if some moron drives like an idiot and almost pushes you off the road:  “You dipstick, are you nucking futs!?” might be a better utterance.  Although this won’t necessarily get you out of a road rage incident, calling someone an ‘oil measuring tool’ would go down far better than saying “Jou ma se %@$#!”  That would be more likely a guarantee to get ‘thundered thick’ (sic)!

South Africans especially, can be very colourful when it comes to swearing.  With our plethora of languages it is easy to borrow a word from any one of the many, other official languages, and use it as your own.

Have you ever wondered what the oldest English rude word is?  Believe it or not… fart… is one of them.  It has been found to be in use as long ago as the year 1250.  This was 50 years prior to the invention of the word ‘buttocks.’

As is mostly the case, it is not the word that you use, but rather the way you use it, that makes it rude.

For example here is a nice way to be rude…Instead of telling your boss exactly what you think of him/her you could say:

“I hope the rest of your day is as nice as you are…”

Very lame I know, but it will take a while to sink in and even then, they are not guaranteed to fathom whether it was an insult or a compliment.

Words also change meaning throughout the ages and are left to be interpreted as you wish.  For example you wouldn’t know what a ‘pintle’ or ‘mawkin’ means today.  But back in the 1400-1500’s everyone knew the meaning of a ‘swiving’ as well.

Having children in the house doesn’t make it any easier for us parents.  Kids are like sponges when it comes to sayings and swear words.  I am usually prone to quick excitability and can spit swear words like an automatic rifle when called for.  Thank goodness my children seemed quite deaf to my utterances at those times, as I have not once overheard them say anything out of the ordinary. 

They seem to have developed their own language at school when it comes to show emotion or give effect to a storyline.  I don’t understand it of course, as I don’t speak teenager… 

The usual being something like this:  “OMG, what the fudge? Shut the front door you son of a monkeys’ snickerdoodle…!”  And I’m like, who is making fudge?  Why is the front door open?  What do monkeys have to do with noodles?  Either way, I will never understand their language…

Back in the day it was a definite no-no to swear and was considered low-class and illiterate by many cultures.  Our forefathers would turn in their graves out of utter shock if they were to listen to one sentence in todays’ day and age.

On the other hand maybe Mark Twain had it right in proclaiming:

“Under certain circumstances profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer…”

Or as famous comedian film maker Mel Brooks once said:

“I’ve been accused of vulgarity.  I say that’s bullshit!”

(The views in this article are not necessarily the views of the writer and is meant for entertainment purposes only)

Growing crops on Mars?

A lot of excitement is circling around the recent tests on growing biomass in Martian and Lunar soil.  The resultant being mans’ dreams of colonising another planet by successfully growing crops, may be one step closer.  The University and research center of Wageningen in the Netherlands conducted these tests in their greenhouse, reporting that tomato, rye, radish, pea, leek, spinach, rocket, watercress, quinoa and chives fared surprisingly well in the Martian samples.  The Moon soil samples delivered about half the biomass than the samples of the Martian soil as well.

Although this might be one step closer to growing crops in other types of soil, one has to see it for what it is worth.  The ‘Martian soil’ is in fact not from Mars at all.  Neither is the ‘Lunar soil’.  These tests were based on similar types of soil than its actual counterparts with the ‘Martian soil’ being simulated by soil obtained from a Hawaiian volcano and the ‘Lunar soil’ from the Arizona desert.  This soil was mixed with fresh grass-cuttings and well watered before planting the crops.  As if there is grass available on Mars and the moon… hmmm… and what about water…?

The tests were also conducted in a controlled environment under earths’ atmospheric pressure.  Obviously Mars and our Moon have drastically different atmospheric conditions than Earth.  To not even talk about the extreme temperatures and radiation experienced in those environments.  Another major concern to consider is, even if one would be able to overcome all these ‘uncalculated’ restrictions, would you actually be able to eat those vegetables?  Mankind consistently complains about MSG and Genetically modified foods right here on Earth.  Would you eat these alien vegetables?  Would they even be safe to consume?  It is highly doubtful, as the chemical composition of these soils contain heavy metals such as arsenic, lead, mercury and other irons.   You would most definitely not last very long on these alien veggies…

As mentioned above, one has to think about the water concept as well…  Although NASA has indicated they have identified running water on Mars, one has to understand why the ‘water’ is in liquid form.  The Northern Ice cap on Mars is an obvious sign of possible water, but under the extreme environment of the Martian planet, these liquids are filled with various other elements unbecoming of fresh water.  It can be more easily described as briny water, filled with hydrated minerals called perchlorates.  These salts are what prevents shallow areas of liquid from freezing over in Mars’ average of minus 100°C temperatures.  Scientists are guessing that this briny water might contain magnesium perchlorates, magnesium chlorate and sodium perchlorates.  A long shot from what we know as fresh water…

This brings us to the conclusion as to why they are actually spending billions of dollars on trying to establish whether man could live and survive on other planets.  Why not use the money to better mankind, help struggling economies, hell… why not plant grass, tomatoes, rye, radish, pea, leek, spinach, rocket, watercress, quinoa and chives in all our deserts on Earth, to make more space for humanity and grow more crops?  At least we know it might work and it won’t cost as much as these multibillion dollar space missions.

I for one, would love to visit another planet for the experience, but colonising barren planets or moons?  That is an absurd idea.  One mistake and everyone would die...If your crops fail on another planet who would bring you more food?  Help would be months, if not years away.

Who in their right mind would want to live there?   Well you would be surprised.  Over 200 000 people applied in 2013 to be part of the first colony to Mars in 2020.  These Mars One applicants came from 140 countries across the globe.  In order to qualify for the first team of Astronauts selected, you would have to show resilience, adaptability, curiosity, ability to trust and be creative and resourceful.   They forgot one more….crazy!

How they plan on managing this feat, I don’t know, as we have no clue what to expect and how to be resourceful and self-sufficient outside our own atmosphere as yet.

Salty water, extreme temperature, radiation, heavy metal poisoning and a bunch of crazy people all living in tents on Mars.  Sounds like fun...

What do you think?

(The views in this article are not necessarily the views of the writer)